Chapter 9: closure

Sophie Heine

Sylvia decided to keep some distance with Patrick in the days that followed their ambiguous evening. After all, he was engaged and was only a friend. Her mother was coming soon and she wanted to prepare for her visit as best she could. She also had to work a lot of shifts to earn enough money to compensate for her holiday while her mum was there.

As she was just thinking of her, her mum called:

-“Hi sweetie, how are you doing? Happy to see me in a few days? I cant wait to see the big Apple…and you of course!”

-“Thanks mum, I’ll be happy to see you too”

-“Listen darling, I’ve been thinking: if it s a little small that little flat of yours for us both, I don’t mind finding a little hotel for myself; nothing expensive, just a little room, so that we can both have our own bed…”

Sylvia sighed.

-“Mum, I have a sofa bed, you wouldn’t have to sleep in my bed…”

-“Oh yes, of course, darling; but what if we get a bit cranky in that little room of yours…maybe it would be better f I got my own room, don’t you think?”

-“that s fine mum I just didn’t want you to think that you had to book something; but yes it might be a bit small”

-“But we will spend time in your little place, don’t worry, and you can make me this lovely pasta you cook…”

her mum still thought Sylvia could not cook anything else than pasta.

-“Mum I can make you loads of amazing dishes; wait till you see my culinary skills!”

There was a short silence on the line that Sylvia took to be her mum doubting her words.

-“anyway, darling, I am soooooo happy to see you on Friday; I must shoot but I’ll see yo at the airport!”

-“Wait, is dad ok? he wont feel abandoned?”

-“Don’t worry, he is quite happy to be on his own; he will play bowling with his mates every night when I m away I m sure. love you darling , see you soon!”

Sylvia put her phone down. She was actually happy to see her mum.

She resumed cooking a nice healthy dish for herself as her doorbell rang. Startled she walked slowly towards the door. No-one ever rang the bell of her studio flat. She wished the door had one of these little holes in which you can look before you open the door…She shook her head to calm herself down. There was no reason to worry. But as she opened the door, she realised that there was. There was her ex, Tim, standing in her hallway. He looked as handsome and tall as ever but deeply unhappy. there were shadows under his eyes and his smile was forced. Sylvia almost slammed the door in his face but then realised it would be childish. She gave him a stern look:

-“What do you want?”

-“Since you would not return any of my messages or calls, I had to chase you down…”

Smiling at his own joke, he stepped closer to her, almost coming inside her flat.

-“I have no idea how you found out where I live but , if I haven’t returned your calls, it is obviously because I don’t want to talk to you and you could respect that”

-“Fair enough. But what have I done?”

Sylvia breathed in deeply. There was no point trying to explain how she felt about men like him in details, it would only give him fuel to respond so she opted for a short:

-“I want to be on my own at the moment and focus on friendship”

-“Ah…so not other man on the horizon? You are single?”

-“Not that it’s any of hour business but yes I am”

Tim’s face softened a little.

-“Come on, Sylvia, I thought there was amazing attraction between us. well, I mean, there is…don’t you think?”

-“Its not all about attraction…”

-Ah so you still feel it too..”

She hated herself for being so stupid and transparent.

-“anyone can be attracted to anyone or at least to many different people…But what makes a relationship start and work out is other things”

-“Like what?”

-“kindness, empathy, communication, caring for each other..”

Tim gave her a bright smile.

-“exactly everything I feel for you Sylvia”

-“That’s not true; you’re too brutal and self-centred to feel those things…”

Tim frowned.

-“Now you’ve hurt me. But listen, I ll forgive you and we can just have a drink as friends, is that ok? Just friends?”

Sylvia considered his proposition. On the one hand, it might be good to have some sort of closure and have a non ambiguous time with that man; on the other, she clearly did no trust him.

As she was not responding, Tim decided to let himself inside her flat. She watched him step forward and look around with surprised eyes, too dumbfounded by his arrogance to say a word.

-“That’s a nice little place you’ve got yourself here, Sylvia; not at all what I would have imagined. and you manage to pay that rent all on your own?”

-What were you imagining? That I was living on the streets and had to rely on man’s lust to pay for some shabby hotels?”

Tim laughed loudly.

-“Not really but now you’ve put that image in my mind it will definitely stick in it”

His lascivious look made her a bit sick in her stomach. she recovered herself and grabbed him by the shoulder.

-“Tim. I don’t want you to stay; I don’t like how you’ve treated me and , more than that, I don’t like how you perceive women.”

Tim took her hand in his for a few seconds and held her gaze.

‘-“and how exactly do I perceive women according to you, my sweet little Sylvia?”

-“I am not yours and I am not sweet. You see women as pure objects and I don’t want to be perceived like that in a relationship. I told you enough about the sexual violence I lived for you to understand that. But even without that past, I wouldn’t want to just be a thing for a man to use.”

Tim started pleading in his most convincing voice:

-“Sylvia, I do not think women are all objects. Why would I? And I certainly do not see you like that. If I was maybe a little too rough with you, its’ because I felt something really passionate that I had never felt for anyone else”

Sylvia could almost believe him. A smell of burnt food interrupted her thoughts.

-“God damned. Because of you, I’ve burnt my meal”

Tim got closer to the cooker and whistled in admiration.

-“And it did seem like a nice, tasty and healthy meal. Was it steak?”

-“Come one, you can see it was salmon; or smell it, at least?”

Tim shrugged.

-“Listen; since you lost your meal because of me let me buy you diner. I know this fabulous little place not far from here where they cook the most amazing salmon. and the desserts are to die for.”

Sylvia hesitated.

-“Come on Sylvia; you are really making me beg you; as friends, ok? pure friends? you can invite a chaperon if you want?”

At that proposition Sylvia suddenly felt ridiculous being so suspicious.

-“It’s ok; I’ll just a diner, as acquaintances. Friends, for me, is a big word”.

-“It sure is; come on my lovely acquaintance; lets get going, I’m starving too”.

****

Tim had not lied a about that: the restaurant was indeed very beautiful; and the food exquisite. After a little bit of chitchat they sat silently for a while, finishing their food. Tim finally spoke:

-“Hey Sylvia, please tell me what I’ve done to push you away like that? I really liked you you know; well, I still do like you…”

-“Listen, I like you too; but the way you were with me, particularly in intimacy, was really too much; I want a gentle person”

-“Wow that s harsh; and I thought I was a sex god…”

-“Come on Tim, I told you about the sexual violence I lived and you just have this rough thing with me; have you got no empathy whatsoever? and who s told you women like that type of sex anyway? you must have watched too much porn…”

-“Maybe I have; But I’ve also had my fair share of women; anyway, maybe you’re the one who s a little uptight”

Sylvia stared at him. Of course he wasn’t going to let her criticise him without retaliating; she should have known that was a trap. and indeed, Tim continued.

-“You think you re all great being this touchy sensitive little lady but deep down you are just like all the others: a bitch; but your uptight character prevents yob from admitting it”

Sylvia shook her head and stood up; she was not going to win this one.

-“Refusing sexual violence is not being uptight;’ and treating women like you do reveals the tiny little man that you are , unable to give and show empathy; so now, if you’ll excuse me; I have things to do.”

She got up, grabbed her bag and jacket and almost ran to the door , unfortunately not fast enough to not hear Tim’s insults: “you stupid slag”

Feeling the anger mounting inside her, she turned back and walked towards him as fast as her heels allowed. she grabbed her unfinished glass of wine and threw it on his face and shirt.

-“My god Sylvia, that’s an Armani shirt!”

-“Well this way you feel stained too. Do not ever call me back or try to stalk me or I’ll have you arrested”

Once outside in the air, Sylvia breathed in deeply; S decided to walk towards the statue of liberty before getting back back to her flat; on the way, she smelled the delicious food cooked in all the downtown restaurant sand observed happy couples and young people chatting happily. As she watched the beautiful statue, this incredible symbol, she felt a big heavy weight come off her chest. There was still some light and tourists were flashing cameras everywhere. What she felt now was closure. Not only with Tim but also with her dirty boss. All that was now buried deeply in the past; and her future would be bright. She would make sure it would be.